Things I Will Not Miss About This Trailer Park

Blogged on Friday, September 26th, 2008 by Rachael. Filed in Blog365, Complaint, Randomness.

Things I will absolutely NOT miss about living in this trailer park:

1. Crazy neighbor lady’s pot smoke seeping in through my paper thin walls.
2. Incessant banging and pounding and swearing, which accompanies taking down the horribly dilapidated trailers that are being replaced with new ones (presumably).
3. Crazy neighbor lady’s filthy flea-ridden cats leaving dirty kitty-prints all over my car windows and hair all over my lawn chairs.
4. Park management insisting on being handed rent in person, and never being in the office (or anywhere else to be found) during normal business hours to RECEIVE said rent.
5. Neighbors who play popular music excessively loudly and with far too much bass boosting.  For HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS.
6. Two to four police cruisers parked outside someone’s trailer at least twice a week.
7. Not being able to sit outside without being stared at like a zoo animal that has three heads.
8. Wind storms in the middle of winter.
9. Playground covered in obscene graffiti and garbage, and poop.
10. Not feeling safe enough to take a walk with the kids or by myself.
11. Being hooted at by rude teenagers while attempting to drive out of the park. Having to come to a complete stop and wait for said rude teenagers to move their lazy asses out of the middle of the road.
12. Creepy ice cream van that makes at least six rounds (IN A ROW) through the park at just about exactly bedtime EVERY DAY.

Things I will miss, but not enough to live here any more (although maybe enough to visit occasionally):

1. Zero guilt about driving directly toward previously-mentioned filthy flea-ridden cats when they are sitting cozily in my parking spot or stubbornly refusing to stop napping in the middle of the main road.
2. Very low gas prices.
3. Sitting on the porch with Troy last summer at night, with a beer each, trying not to laugh too hysterically as we listened to a teenage drama (complete with boy throwing rocks at some girl’s window and being cussed out by his drunken father).

Things Troy and I would love to say we had done when we left, but would rather not get arrested for:

1. Run over a lazy ass teenager.
2. Run over every single cat in the park.
3. Punched holes through every wall in the trailer, laughing maniacally the whole time, just to prove how thin the walls really are.
4. Turned up our own music so loud we simultaneously burst every window in the entire park.
5. Moved the piano out of the trailer by pushing it firmly through the wall.
6. Written warnings on the inside walls in ketchup.
7. Pushed over the creepy ice cream van and left it lying there in the street like a beetle on its back.
8. Set fire to all those dilapidated death trap mold-infested trailers.