There has been a lot of talk around the old blogosphere this year about transparency. Conversations about being authentic, and about not hiding your real self from the people you hang with on the interwebs.
I’ve been a big fan of transparency for a while now, and I can tell you specifically when it became REAL for me to be this way, not only offline, but online as well.
SH!T JUST GOT REAL
Back in March of 2007, I began a journey of family drama and heartache that is still mostly unresolved. Without going into it now – because it’s been pretty well documented on this blog already – I’ll say that realizing that many of my past actions, as well as my future decisions, were going to be laid out in plain sight in front of a family court judge made me question EVERYTHING I had done, and it made me see all my life in a completely new light.
On the positive side, I could hold up my life and point out the reasons I had done things, and know that I was not ashamed of the choices I’d made.
On the negative side, sometimes that doesn’t matter. The person who finds out or the person who you’re explaining things to doesn’t really care about your reasons. Sometimes (most of the time) you don’t get to explain, and you are left hoping that the results of what you did can speak for what your intentions were.
Every decision I make about what I do and what I put out there goes like this:
Could I tell this to the judge?
For a lot of people, they don’t ever have to get to this point. But many of us do find ourselves in desperate times, and we strive to do the best we can with what we have. And often, we have to answer to someone else – someone who doesn’t care about us or our feelings – for the decisions we have made.
And we do one of two things:
We either hide as much as we can, not because we’re ashamed, but because we can’t handle being appraised, judged, and constantly weighed in the balance.
Or we find a way to live in the spotlight, being honest, calculating what the ramifications of any decision could be before we make any move at all.
What does this have to do with blogging and Twittering and Facebooking anyway?
There are some things I just don’t blog about, and I just don’t mention on Twitter, and I just don’t say to anyone but my closest friends and family. But, because I’m me, and being me means that I often let it all hang out, I want to share things.
I want to tell the world that I shaved my head, that I put my kids into public school, or that I have had terrible issues with my body image. I want to talk about my second grampa dying, or how I almost died after I gave birth to Serenity, or how I lost the baby I was pregnant with right before her. I want to talk about my business and my husband’s business and share pictures of my beautiful family.
And the whole time, I have to think to myself: who is going to see this? What happens if the people who dislike me and have tried to hurt me in the past happen on this blog and see this?
What happens if they’re friends of someone I’m friends with on Facebook and word gets around about the (random, silly, irrelevant) stuff that I do?
If I’m already living my life like someone is watching me, IT DOESN’T MATTER.
It doesn’t matter who reads my blog.
It doesn’t matter who might stalk my Twitterstream.
It doesn’t matter who sees my Facebook, or looks at my Flickr photos.
It doesn’t matter, because I’m not ashamed of myself. I know I’m not perfect, and I know I sometimes make mistakes, but I’m not all avoidy-pants about it. I’ll admit when I am wrong. I will share when I do something the wrong way, and what I learned from that. I am always striving to be a better person, and if I already thought I was perfect, there would be no reason to try to get better, am I right?
SO HERE IS MY ADVICE FOR YOU, LOVELY READER:
Try living your life like someone is watching you. You may find that instead of feeling paranoid, you feel free.
Dropping your pretenses of caring what everyone else thinks, and deciding instead to be honest about who you are and what you do, is the best gift you could ever give yourself. And it’s the best example you can give to the people who are watching you.
Because trust me, they are. We’re all watching each other. What will you do?
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{ 6 comments }
This is a great, thought provoking post. I share quite a bit on my twitter and fb streams but there is however some parts of my life that I will not put out there for everyone to see, that’s just how I roll. It’s not because I care what others think, because I really don’t, it’s just because I feel some things in my life are not meant for public consumption. I believe what ever works for each person is what they should do. I have many friends who don’t filter a thing, and many who do. You have to be happy with your decisions and feel comfortable with them and if you are then you are doing the right thing.
Good for you for going all transparent. For the most part, I’m fine with being out there and will pretty much share anything. I do think before I post/tweet for two specific reasons 1) I still have stalkers that watch my every move (or so my stats tell me) and I’m just not up for giving them reasons to come around more frequently if I can help it, and 2) because I also do business through my “personal” accounts, I give my thought outbursts a second thought.
That said, I remember your shaved head update on FB. Did you ever include a picture?
I’ve been pondering starting a blog. A couple of things make me hesitate. The subject I want to make this blog is my marriage and the whole process of finding and making and building a family and a home, much like Pacing the Panic Room and Not Quite Betty Crocker. My concerns are pretty much the transparency thing — I’m worried that in the process of writing about my marriage I might… let some of the intimacy out. That something might be ruined in the process, as I work on establishing myself in the blogosphere. I want to be held accountable, though. To being a better partner, to living a more simple life, to decluttering, to eventually raising my kids as best I can.
Great post. Great topic. I must admit, though, that there a lot of things I keep off the Internet. One of the main reasons would have to be my job. I know people where I work read my blog because they’ve said as much. So, when I’m having a rough day and would love to vent, I don’t. I can’t because, frankly, one rant is not worth my job.
Then there’s my family. There are certainly times when my feelings are hurt, I’m angry, or I would really love to share the latest bit of insanity, but then I realize my blog entry would likely only add to the drama. So, I keep it to myself.
Instead I blog about my boys, my writing, books I’ve read. Safe topics. Boring topics. No wonder no one ever comments! LOL
This is so true. I always wonder when I’m deciding something if my Great Uncle Bill would have approved. If I don’t think he would, I wouldn’t do it. He was one of those people in my life that I hated to think about letting down. Even now he’s no longer with us I still feel that way.
It helps keep me on the high road, and not wander too far away. :)
For a long time, I wanted to have a reality show and this is why. Then I realized I could just live as if the camera was always on and it would feel great and I wouldn’t need to deal with all the shit that would come with the reality show. Your post made me remember that, thanks.
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