“It’s Complicated” Is The Coward’s Way Out.

Blogged on Friday, August 1st, 2008 by Rachael. Filed in Blog365, Family, Philosophical.

You guys already know I have a Facebook account - see, the link over there?  Yeah, that’s me.  I used to have a Myspace but I finally freed myself from that oppression of chaotic ugliness back months ago, and I’ve never looked back.  However, Facebook is not without the same sort of drama and silliness… at least they don’t let you customize your profile with background colors and font choices, right?  Those blinky awful things that keep showing up in my damn Super Wall are bad enough.

I want to address an issue that, up until now, never really bothered me.  It’s the damn Facebook ‘relationship’ status doohicky.  You know, the one where you can pick from several: Single, Married, Open Relationship, It’s Complicated, and so on.  I know people who ARE in complicated relationships, and I found it almost funny (in an ironic sort of way, not an offensive way, although my sense of humor is really not… normal) when they put IT’S COMPLICATED as their relationship status.

To make several horrific generalizations:

Among my teenage friends/family, it tends to mean “I like someone but they don’t like me back.”

Among my older friends/family, it tends to mean “I’m not sure whether this one’s a keeper, but I’m working through it.”

These two reasons are, to me, the only viable reasons to broadcast to everyone that you have a complicated romantic relationship with someone.  If your Facebook friends know you really at all, they probably already knew about your complications anyway and understand at least in part.

I’m sure there are other reasons to use IT’S COMPLICATED as your relationship status, but I think, apart from the reasons I’ve already mentioned, it’s a total crock.  It’s the coward’s way out.  It’s saying you’re with someone, maybe there are issues, you don’t really have to say, you could totally be making it up, but of course you’re telling the truth and now you get to be all emo about it.

I’m sure you’re wondering WHOSE complicated relationship status pissed me off, right?  Well, I’ll tell you.  It’s my brother.  My wonderful brother, whose behavior in his adult life has mimicked far too closely the emotionally abusive and excessively selfish actions of my father.  My brother, who grew up that way and should know better.  My brother, who never once defended or protected his sisters, but preferred to stay out of the drama, away from anything that might require him to make a decision that was honorable, and stick to it.  My brother, the coward.

He’s married - he has been since before I married Ian’s father.  My sister in law Iva, who is a wise, strong, beautiful woman (and even more opinionated than me, if you can believe that), has been married to my brother for four years, and he has the gall to claim ‘complicated’ status.  My beautiful niece turned three this year.  He has a daughter.  He should be FAR more mature than this.

I think I will refrain from calling him all those other things I have in my heart and my head to call him, and just say this:  either he is a coward, or he wants to keep his options open.  Or both.  Either way, I feel disgusted every time I think of him.